Masculinity Is Not Toxic. Men Need To Reign It In.

“And he inquired about their welfare and said, “Is your father well, the old man of whom you spoke? Is he still alive?” They said, “Your servant our father is well; he is still alive.” And they bowed their heads and prostrated themselves. And he lifted up his eyes and saw his brother Benjamin, his mother's son, and said, “Is this your youngest brother, of whom you spoke to me? God be gracious to you, my son!” Then Joseph hurried out, for his compassion grew warm for his brother, and he sought a place to weep. And he entered his chamber and wept there. Then he washed his face and came out. And controlling himself he said, “Serve the food.”” (Gen 43:27-31)

Again, the algorithm strikes again.

I've been slipping into watching VTubers on Youtube.  VTubers are cartoon representations of people, mostly female, and they talk about stuff.  One such VTuber is named Saphia, someone who really tugs at the heart strings of men, mainly because she always appears encouraging, soft, kind, as a defender of men, etc.  Anyway, there was one such video where she talks about why the reason men don't open up emotionally as much is because they were taught to rein it in, and not be so emotional.  You could say, be like Mr. Spock.

She says the following:

"Men are taught to hold everything in.  From a young age, men get told stuff like, 'Don't cry!', 'Be strong!', 'Man up!', 'Don't show weakness!'.  And that does something to you.  That makes you...close off.  That makes you...hide feelings.  That makes you scared to be vulnerable.  And then people get mad when men don't open up.  Bro, they weren't allowed to!  They were trained out of it!  They were told that emotions are wrong.  So, when I see a man open up, even a little, that's brave, that...is huge.  And that deserves love, not judgment."

There is one thing that Saphia criticizes in which she is correct to criticise:  The idea that emotions are wrong.  As even the cited Scriptures clearly show, this is false doctrine.

However, in this piece, I make the case that men reigning it in is good.  

Even the YouTube reviewer (not a VTuber, btw) The Critical Drinker emphasizes this point in his critical review of new Star Trek movies.  He compares the death scene of Spock and Admiral Kirk giving the eulogy.  In these scenes, Kirk is mature, and holding his emotions.  Why? As Mr. Drinker says:

"Because he's a grown a** man, and he's the captain of a starship.  He's expected to lead by example and hold himself together, whatever his personal feelings, because that's how professional officers conduct themselves.  And that little moment when his composure slips becomes all the more poignant, because you know how hard he's trying to hide it."

In the starting Scripture, Joseph is similarly moved with emotion (albeit it's a happier ending than with Kirk), and also tries to hide his public display of emotion.

Now, it would be dishonest of me to leave out the part where Joseph later couldn't handle it anymore:

“Then Joseph could not control himself before all those who stood by him. He cried, “Make everyone go out from me.” So no one stayed with him when Joseph made himself known to his brothers. And he wept aloud, so that the Egyptians heard it, and the household of Pharaoh heard it.” (Gen 45:1-2)

Even then, Joseph had everyone except his family leave.

There is a lesson here.  Heck, even when God confronted Job near the end of his unpleasant season, God says twice, as the KJV renders it, to "gird up" "thy loins" "like a man" (Job 38:3, 40:7)

Now yes, there is a time and place for everything (Ecclesiastes 3:1), even men being emotional, and wailing like women.  I've done it, as I've written in The Ninth Cloud, Chapter Four:

42 I then spake, “I pray I manifest not such fervour when I sojourn with Kebert Stella.”

43 She rejoined, “Oh, nay! 'Tis wholesome to release thy emotions!” 

44 This did stir within me greater passion. I am of a susceptible spirit. 

45 When a famed healer of the stars doth grant me leave to weep, I am wont to oblige.

(and yes, I deliberately used the chapter/verse format as a creative tool.  Is it really sacrilege to use such a format in a secular work?  I don't know.  That's for another discussion.)

Even then, as "verse" 42 says, I confessed to Medis Stella (who is really actress Gates McFadden) that I wanted to reign it in.  Why?  Because I believed that men need to reign it in.  However, her encouragement for me to let it out made me lose it.  Indeed I was of a "susceptible spirit".

In short, while men are allowed to be emotional (we're not robots, we are human), we are to still be men.  And as men, we are to reign it in, only emoting where and when appropriate.  To fail to do so is to lean towards effeminacy, which leads to Hell.  I'm using the KJV for this reference, since I believe it does a better job at rendering the Greek word malakos than the ESV, which merely speaks of homosexuality:

“Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind, Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God.” (1Co 6:9-10)

Even straight people can be soft.  Also, to be gay does not always mean to be soft.  The Village People, and scenes from Police Academy at "The Blue Oyster" emphasizes that (This is not an endorsement of homosexuality, nor the Village People, nor Police Academy, nor The Blue Oyster).  So, while homosexuality certainly leads to Hell (as emphasized in Leviticus 18:22, 20:13, Romans 1:27 [maybe also v. 26 if they're referring to lesbians]), men being soft, as written in I Corinthians 6:9-10 also leads to Hell.

So men, it's OK to cry, but still be a man.

Video sources:

Saphia video: https://youtu.be/osXAPojzsNU?si=9jVNdrYR3OYJ1VkR&t=80

Critical Drinker video: https://youtu.be/CQ92cggLMx8?si=zqIBdJj2CqrLmOl2&t=219