I'm Tired.

 “Examine yourselves, whether ye be in the faith; prove your own selves. Know ye not your own selves, how that Jesus Christ is in you, except ye be reprobates?” (2 Corinthians 13:5, KJV)

This all started when I tried to examine Francis Chan, a former pastor (according to the Wikipedia article on him) who is the author of books such as "Crazy Love".  I have my doubts about him, like I do nearly every modern preacher, but it's hard to find concrete heresy in his doctrine, not that there is none, not that he is a true believer, but that my examination of him, per I Thessalonians 5:21, is pending.  (I can tell you, he has a link on his website that says "GIVE", so I'm suspicious immediately, see 2 Corinthians 2:17)

I feel tired.  I don't feel this emotional desire to do the Christian stuff.  Yes, I read Scripture, I try to read a chapter a day.  Yes, I pray, although it gets cumbersome and repetitive (possibly against Matthew 6:7-8).  I haven't attended church in months, and even if I do, it's usually just a visit.  I haven't found a church near me that I believe is in the Truth.  I do acknowledge Hebrews 10:25 though.

Is it because of my overnight schedule?  Recently I have not had many full periods of sleep.  Well, now that I think of it, lack of sleep is not necessarily a bad thing.  In Proverbs 6, the author talks about sacrificing sleep in order to fulfill the matter of collateral (I think, the KJV says "surety", the ESV says "security").

Still, life seems dull.  Am I on fire for God?  Do I have to have an emotional infatuation with God because of what His Son did on the cross?  Or am I truly a reprobate on my way to Hell, because I don't have that enthusiasm?  Am I wrong in this? (Proverbs 6:23)

This is what Mr. Chan teaches, that because of the magnitude of what Christ did for us, we ought to have an emotional response of great magnitude ourselves, manifesting in self-sacrifice.

However, this is my crutch:  I believe in helping the poor.  But it will do me no good if I don't feel like it.  It will do me no good if it's not a joy, or if I don't do it cheerfully.  It will do me no good if I don't do it right (one teaching is found in Matthew 6:1-4).  As for feeling like it, let me just show you that Scripture verse:

“Every man according as he purposeth in his heart, so let him give; not grudgingly, or of necessity: for God loveth a cheerful giver.” (2 Corinthians 9:7, KJV)

I believe in charity.  But I also believe in the Truth.  

I do wonder if Revelation 2:4 applies.  I don't know and don't dare to speculate at this time, given Revelation 22:18-19.

All I know is that I'm tired.  Physically tired.